God Wants Spiritual Fruit, Not Religious Nuts

On Friday I opened my mailbox and found a very interesting envelope - it was a #10 size, white with lots of bold churchy words, many in ALL CAPS, some words were red and underlined, but I knew before I opened it that 'pyramid scheme' was coming off of it like heat.

This type of usury works against those who are naive in faith. It deceives those who put much stock in the church and in relics. It works against the unintelligent, and, often, the elderly who are stuck in a non-growing rut of belief. Admittedly, I can compile a case against both those who devise this little trickery and those who fall for it.

I see this type of deception to be almost as bad as the fraudulant psychics who feed off of people's emotions and grief of their loved ones. It is idiotic and laughable. And the marketing design of the piece was ABSOLUTELY appalling!

But as you can see from the envelope this scam promises that your home will be blessed spiritually, physically, FINANCIALLY (what about sexually?). And to make matters more laughable, they are incorrect in their writing, using who's in the place of whose. Looks like someone's house wasn't blessed grammatically. I'm surprised the letter did not start with "Dear 7 lb 8oz baby Jesus..."

Inside were several pages (printed on both sides with minimal margins) of hypocriligious nonsense. It had in it a folded piece of paper with a poorly designed image of what is supposed to be Christ. The envelope called it the “Bible faith prayer rug” complete with instructions on how you either kneel on it or you put it on your knees. (Your holy, holy knees). It claimed that this "rug" which is essentially not a rug at all, but just a piece of paper, has allegedly been passed onto me by someone else, though it was quite clear no one else had opened up this paper rug. Ugh. Here were some of the instructions:

When you use this Faith Church Prayer Rug, go into a room where you can be alone (Just God and you). Turn off the television and radio and try to be by yourself when you kneel on this Holy Ghost, Bible Prayer Rug. or spread it over your knees. We want this Church Ministry, Prayer Rug to be touching both of your knees as you pray for the needs you are facing right now . . . . . . Timing is important to God. After you kneel on the Church Prayer Rug, or place it over your knees, place it in the Bible, on Philippians 4:19. (If you don’t have a Bible, it’s okay, just slide it under your side of your bed, for tonight, if you can. If you can’t do this, it is okay.) Leave It There No Longer Than Tonight Only! God sees. Then, in the morning it is a must that you get this unusual blessing Church Prayer Rug out of this house and back to us, here at the church’s chapel prayer room, in faith. We must also get have this letter back, with whatever you need prayer for, printed on page two. You must get this Bible Prayer Rug back to the church so we can rush it to another family that’s in need of a blessing. Do this without fail. Please, do not break this flow of power between us.

Don't you love it when biblical citations are thrown about like confetti, with no context? This gimmick promises that you will be blessed by the church. The church? Since when does a structure pass out blessings? I thought only God did that. Yes, there is a HUGE difference between God and the church. And as far as the hypocrisy in this stunt, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to rip up the pages of this scam, write "Jesus is pissed!" and draw angry furrowed eyebrows on the face of "Jesus" in this "God rug" with a speech bubble: "Hypocrites, Money Changers, Pyramid Schemers!" in it...and returned it in the postage paid envelope to some fake made up church in Oklahoma.

Take that, you Philistines.

[More crazies - go here to pay to create an e-mail to send post-rapture to all your friends who were "left behind" http://www.youvebeenleftbehind.com/ ]