Monday, April 7, 2008

Traffic Cones


Sometimes there are those people in your life (placed there by someone else's choice) who are, for lack of a better description, truly insufferable. The type of person who finds nothing right and nothing good in things that are obviously right and good to everyone else. The type of person who stirs up trouble and gossips and has questionable motives and a selfish agenda in seemingly everything they do. And, if like me, you have given this type of person chance after chance to redeem themselves and make amends and they inexplicably continue to wreak havoc with not a care for anyone else. I think God has a purpose for this type of person, too.


While taking "the high road" these type of people should be viewed as orange traffic cones. You just go around them. You don't feel the need to hit them, you just...swerve around them without honking at them.


In Matthew 18:21 Peter asked Jesus how many times should I forgive my brother (7 times?) and was given the answer 77 x 7....AKA: never stop forgiving.

But I think a person can be forgiven from afar and, like, myself, just choose to not speak to that person at all - even in their presence - in order to only have to forgive once. Because you know that talking will lead to problems, which leads to having to forgive all over again. Can forgiveness work in silence like this? Is it quantity or quality in the act of forgiving? Or should a person be overtly kind and keep forgiving time after time that they are walked on? Should a person martyr their integrity to prove that they can forgive a person multiple times? What do you think?

I invite you, dear reader, to weigh in and post a comment.

4 comments:

Collins said...

Well, forgiveness is not context free, and I feel like I'm making a leap into shaky territory since I don't know what is going on... but per your request... here goes nothing...

There is a difference between forgiving someone who deserves it, and having the self respect to set boundaries and remove or confront the situation in which you are faced with someone undeserving, who is a part of your life.

To forgive is not to be a doormat. To take the high road, though, is often better form, though less satisfying.

You need to do what you can so that as you lay your head to sleep at night you do not feel tortured by the unspoken forgiving you are doing, but also so that you can feel that you are a good person who has done their best with a sticky situation....

I know, non-committal answer... I suck. I hope you find what you're looking for here, and as always, I'm only a phone call away.

Zombaggedon said...

My ears are burning!

It seems to me that there is a difference between real forgiveness, where the sins of a sketchy past are oblivated completely, and a sort of apathetic resignation. Deciding you no longer care about past transgressions isn't really forgiveness. Forgiveness strikes me as only honest when it is complete and thus truly absolute. This being said, I resent a bit that forgiveness and to forgive tend to be words that always occur in the past tense. Forgiveness can and is a process, not a destination. I don't think you arrive at forgiveness so much as you work at forgiveness, and I believe that real transgressions take time to heal before forgiveness even has a chance of taking hold. What's more, forgiveness often strikes meas a standard to work toward, an example of what is possible from the standpoint of perfect deification, not so much the result of human endeavor. Do we need to surround ourselves with those we've forgiven? Well, it occurs to me that if we've genuinely forgiven them then we wouldn't hesitate, unless that person is an unpleasant asshole, in which case they might just be the kind of d-bag that isn't worth your time.

Anonymous said...

I love your blog. Keep posting.

How often have we heard Christians drawing a line between Justice and Love, or Justice and Forgiveness? Having come to know the scriptures better, I am sure you have seen how forgiveness and justice work together for God's goodness.

God says, "When my judgments are in the earth, the people of the world will learn righteousness. Show favor to a wicked man yet he will not learn righteousness" (Jeremiah 30:24-25)

The reason God's judgments are in the earth, rather than his favor, is so man will learn righteousness. With that in mind, consider these two scriptures:

Matthew 18:21-22
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.


1 Timothy 1:20
Of whom is Hymenaeus and Alexander; whom I (Paul) have delivered unto Satan, that they may learn not to blaspheme.


Where do the do scriptures meet? If, and this is a HUGE IF, your concern is for the other person who needs forgiveness, judgment can coincide with forgiveness. The point of Paul delivering Hymenaeus and Alexander to Satan, was for their sake.

Don't think that to forgive means to tolerate evil. But in not tolerating it, the person who is acting like a traffic cone can either be changed, or you can preserve your spiritual walk by avoiding them:

1 Timothy 6:5
Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.

2 Timothy 3:4-6
Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.


Either way, forgiveness is in your heart, and can be expressed in ways that the one needing forgiveness may not understand as such. That is, IF your concern is with them, and with your walk in the Spirit. You can forgive someone without letting yourself get sucked into their drama. Withdraw yourself if necessary.

SM said...

Thank you for reading and chiming in, Seth. I will certainly preserve my spiritual walk by avoiding the orange traffic cone in my life.

God Bless!